b*tchin n luvin it!

today was my first official class,and it happen to be with the one teacher i’ve been meaning to meet,pn.muna.aside from marking our english assignment,pn.muna has giving us the holy bible of sociology;the overview of our second year syllabus.i’m have to admit i was pretty shocked to see religion listed as one of the topic to be studied.i didn’t think pn.muna would have listed it because it’s supposedly one of the most controversial topics in the book.i won’t deny that i am pretty excited about it!
days here in college are really boring.i’ve spent almost all my afternoons sleeping in the mid-day sun,which is very hot.idle days like these will ccease to be after next week as everything will go into full swing after the new a-level students are registered…
..yay…

well i’m back in college.things still seem the same.i still have jack asses for school mates(referance to majority of male population).this place has made me feel more depressed then ever.but the depression could also be a side effect from the events that have taken place during the holidays.definitely changed me and my perspective on life.

the experience i gained in this course of four weeks is more then what i’ve gained in my entire life.i’ve learnt so many lessons of life i can’t believe it.most of my experiences feel very surreal i can’t believe it has happened.

on friday,the 17th of june,my granduncle passed away.he was my favourite granduncle,so it was quite a blow to the family.what makes it worse was the fact that i had seen him on friday in the afternoon.there were things i wanted to say to him,even though he wouldn’t be able to hear me since he was in a coma.i thought that i could just tell him what i wanted to say the next day.he passed away that night.i had just come back from a wedding when i got the news.i couldn’t believe it.even when i went to ipoh for the funeral,i watched as the relatives came to pay their final respects to him,as i myself paid him my final respects,i watched as his body was wrapped in the kain kafan,i still couldn’t believe it.half of me accepts reality but the other half won’t.

going back to ipoh made his death harder to accept.the moment we drove into the oh-so-familiar town of ipoh,all the memories came flashing into my mind.each one made me cry even more.but the one that really stood out was the memory of my granduncle,coming back from his clinic on sunday afternoon in his white adidas shoes.i’ll always remember those shoes,he always looked so cool in them.as i was chilling with my 4 year old aunt,building stuff from leggo pieces,i didn’t even realised i had built a side profile of a man with white shoes.on closer inspection,i built the figurine based on my late granduncle’s built as well.

i think my biggest regret was not being able to tell my granduncle how much i loved him.i had a chance,i took it for granted but now i’ve lost that opportunity forever.my granduncle’s funeral is the second i’ve attend ever,but it’s the first death that really hit home.it’ll be difficult to deal with this loss,but unfortunaTely,for the living,life goes on…

ok…so here i am,on the verge of insanity cozz i’m doing absolutely nothing at home.sureen n tim r going to climg gunung ledang in johor soon and i SO wanted to go,but where am i now?i’m STUCK at home doing nothing!argh this is so stressful!who would have thought that holidays could b so boring?i knew i shud have gotten a job wif GSC coz i’m rotting away here.;plus ksince me n sureen went n checked out GSC yesterday,the new staff guys there r like so hot!damn it!

ok…i’m so desperate to get hold of the internet ive hooked up my dads laptop which is a  bitch to set up and it also means i have to ask my dad for a favour(something i’m not terriblely fond of)…now that i’m online it seems to be worth it….*sigh*

me sureen & tim went to midvalley yesterday to watch the interpreter.our show was at 6:45 pm so we had two hours in between.we decided to do sand art(can u imagine 3 teenagers surrounded by and fighting with small kids to get to the coloured sand containers?!) which turned out to be so much fun!then we went around to buy junk food and eneded up being 15 minits late for the show.so we had to RUN THROUGH the whole of midvalley to get to the cinema.and when i say run,we really RAN.i think we managed to frighten a few ppl coz we were just blazing thru the crowd at top speed.and when we got to the cinema,even though it was already close to 7PM,the movie still hadn’t started yet…phew,all that running for nothing.but we were laughing our heads off.that was a fun day indeed.

well,i’m very grateful for today for today i will be out of my house for one whole day.i’m sleeping over at sureen’s house and thank god this idea is happening at such an appropriate time.i am suffocated by my father’s constant inquiries about my studies and i’m sick of being subjected to his idiotic claims of how i should be more responsible in sorting out my education.pardon me for not being old enough to drive my ass to the bookstore to buy the m0+43Rf#(king maths book but hey it’s all right for him to lecture me for 10 minits about how irresponsible i am…anybody want to swap dads?i’ll pay u to take mine away..

if i’ve said this once,i’ll say it again,i envy all the girls at college who r self-professed "daddy’s girls".it really sucks to see my roommates getting calls from their dads weekly,if not every fortnight when my dad only calls if there’s an exam.even then he won’t ask how i am,he’ll ask how my exam was.pretty loving for a dad huh?

i hate listening to the songs like "butterfly kisses" or "dance with my father".they used to be some of my favourite songs.but now i realise i will never feel that way towards my father unless some miracle happens and his personality changes from sinner to saint.i don’t think i can name anything i like about my dad.it’s not an exageration,it’s the truth.i know i’ll probably burn in hell for a few billion years for this,i won’t say it’s worth it.but what can i do?this is howw he’s making me feel…and it hurts so bad.i have a house but i don’t have a home because of him.and that sucks big time.

aiyayiyai,i seem to dread the fact i’m on holiday.it’s only been ONE WEEK since i left college and i’m literally ROTTING AWAY at home.

but my hols have so far have definitely been an emotional roller coster ride.the first  day i got back i just lounged the whole day.by the end of that saturday ,i just wanted to go back to college.during the one week span at home,i’ve had three or four conversations with my dad,all about either my a-levels course,books i need for the next year or my exams.sounds interesting eh?well it isn’t.

the rest of the weekdays,i spent it lazing about in front of the idiot box.if i wasn’t watching tv,i’d try reading some shakespeare but that’s no good either coz i can’t really undertand what’s the story between all the similes and soliloque’s.the end of the week was most productive.my dearest sister came home and took meout for the first time since i got back.so she is my saviour for the holidays.we went to pyramid(i kissed the ground below my feet) to watch star wars n madagascar back to back on thursday,then on friday we went back to pyramid to catch house of wax with melina,but instead i managed to catch whole of my dearest buddy cia ee.i met some of her college mtes(miuki,marie anne and amanda) and had SUSHI for tea.saturday and sunday,was spent with the family and i went to visit my dearest grand-uncle who is very sick and it pains me to see him so unwell.i went from emotional high to emotional low to no emotion at all.

only begun,the holidays have.