b*tchin n luvin it!

well,last week me and my good friend sureen,decided we’d be absolute devils,crack a scheme to smuggle myself into subang and manage a hike up bkt.nuang without my mothers knowledge.as morpheous said in the matrix,faith ,it seems,is without a sense of irony.

it just so happens that when sureen & her mum pick me up from the KTM station,sureen needs to get some duty stamps from the post office.while getting them she bumps into azhar,who finds out that i’m in subang.somewhere in subang,my dear sister is looking for a friend to go yam cha with and decedes to give azhar a call.since azhar already knows i’m in subang,he tells my sister,who doesn’t know i’m in subang and within 15 minutes of my arrival in subang,my one weeks worth of planning is foiled.i’m ratted out.soon i come up with a bigger lie to cover up my sudden appearance in subang.suspicion still lingering,i left subang on friday night to head to shah alam to get ready for the hike.

sureen has been constantly talking about hiking ever since she started it.i’ve always wanted to give it a go,and who better to do it with then sureen,right?WRONG!!!now u see sureen is a seasonal hiker so she knows what she’s getting herself into.i,unfortunately didn’t.so at the bottom of the hill i was jumping up and down waiting to go up.but half way up,all i wanted to do was go down….

to b continued…

…ahem ahem…well as i was saying,the trip up was seriously a killer.the road was so steep and winding that every time i turned a corner i just wished that i’d have reached the base camp,but when i look on the other side,all i see is more winding,steep trail leading to nowhere.and since the road is unfamiliar,it feels like i’ve been walking for ages and ages.my thighs burning and my tongue parching.when i finally make it to the rest stop where the rest of the team is chillin’ i am absolutely relieved and gladly plop my ass on the ground so my feet can take a break.after i take a gulp of water and a bite,i look around and realise that the place we’ve stopped at doesn’t look suitable for pitching a tent.then sureen tells me that place isn’t base camp and that we still have a few more slopes to climb before getting there.well,i don’t know how i managed to get off my butt,but i did.and as reluctant as i was,i knew it was closer to base camp than going all the way down.so i went up,slowly,very slowly.the backmarker behind me kept telling me that it’s just a little further and i kept saying to myself that’s what she said half an hour ago.but i was so relieved when i finally got there.it felt good to get rest after working so hard.

at base camp,i decided i couldn’t possiblely climb to the top.so i stayed at base camp and helped out.didn’t do much really and the whole time i was feeling so guilty for being so dependent.i hated feeling like i couldn’t do it by myself.after preparing a lunch i didn’t have the stomach to eat,we sent the rest of the team who were going to the peak off then started on dinner(barbequed chicken+telur masak merah+rice).i couldn’t help but think how yummy all the food would taste like later.but unfortunately,as night fell,the fire started and so did smoke inhalation.i had a headache,a very bad headache,and again i didn’t really have the apetite to eat.i slept while the team came back(which is something quite rude i think) and i had to force myself to chow down some chicken before being able to eat medication for my headache.the night did not go smoothly.but i slept like a baby.

the next morning,i woke up to the smell of nasi goreng and last nights telur masak merah.after breakfast we began the descent down,something i was dreading to do.while climbing up the mountain,there were some parts of the trail that went down.i always got excited when it came to this part because it meant i was released of the burden of gravity.however,i knew that if i was going to go down the hill,i would have to climb up those slopes that once gave me relief.thank god on the way down there were more downs then ups as i didn’t have anyone to carry my bag for me(on the way up,a certain someone was kind enough to relieve me of my bag).so i was literally running down the slopes of nuang,tripping and falling all over the place because i knew that if i ran fast enough i’d be able to reach the bottom in one piece.and i did.

reaching the bottom was a bitter-sweet experience,sweet,because i had come to  the end of my trip,bitter because i actually enjoyed myself and wanted to do it again.hopefully,one day,when i’m better trained and prepared,i’ll be able to hike up a mountain again.but for now i’ll just sip on river water which i’m running out of and get some sleep to get rid of my body aches.

yesterday while i was making my way to my next class,my teacher noted that for the past few days i had been spending my time on campus alone.she then asked me why i was being so anti-social.well,i did some thinking and i might have gotten the answer to that question.

interaction is a two way process.so it’s not just me interacting with society,society interacts with me as well.my first justification for being anti social would be that i have lost my group/clique of friends whom i used to hang out with.this does not mean i don’t have other acquaitances,i do.but they have their own cliques to hang out with.so the society is basically made up of many cliques and i unfortunately don’t have one at the moment.

secondly,it’s not easy to be intergrated into a clique.there are certain levels of acceptance that have to be gained.these levels are set by the clique members themselves,and try as i may,if they keep setting their standards higher it means its more difficult to be apart of their group.

so i choose to be single.i rely on myself,as anti social as it may seem i don’t really mind.however,since i have had past experiences of belonging to a clique,one does tend to miss more socialable days.

i find that  my roomate shares the same point of view.it’s much easier to be a loner then to have a clique because sometimes it can be quite tiresome.i might not have a clique here in college,but i know that i can count on some bitches back at home to stick with me thru thick and thin.they are the ones who really matter….

when i first set my eyes on the old structure of bangunan razak,i was spellbound.being a virgo,i was immediately attracted to this somewht vintage look building.i was so amazed as i had never been in a building that was so old and had so many long and winding passages as well as hidden staircases.my first few months were spent thoroughly exploring each and every nook and cranny of the building.
but at the end of the first year and towards the beginning of the second one,the old buildings had lost their charm.the road leading up to the academic block had become so familiar,i knew where all the narrow winding halls ended,every room had been explored and every step had been stepped upon.i knew the place like the back of my hand.and so my depression began to sink in.before,even though the people around me had let me down,the old building never did.i always felt some sense of excitement as i climbed up the spiralling staircases and gazed up at the stair wells.now going up just makes me feel dizzy and tired.everything has become such a routine.monotonous and boring.

u know good things happen to good ppl right?does that mean embarrassing things happen to embarrassing ppl?coz i got a whole list of embarrassing things thats happened to me,and thank the lord i have extremely thick skin.and the shit that hits my fan aint thee kind u can just blow off,this shit is SERIOUSLY embarrasssing to d point that if it happened to someone else,they might die of embarrassment.

i’m like the most unfortunate soul in the universe that if i had a movie made based entirely from my experiences,it would seem like the guy who worte liar liar had done it.and the funny thing is,all the stuff that happens happens at the time u wish it wouldn’t happen,like in a hotel,at a function,in a crowded lrt train…..-_-"

its too embarrassing to reveal to the world,but just a word of precaution.next time ur around me,make sure ur wearing a good pair of running shoes so u can make a quick escape if ever i do something (or something embarassing decides to do me) in public….

with a four day holiday up ahaed ive decided to make plans to meet up with some friends.at the moment my plan includes me fatin hafeez and sunway lagoon.but i’d like to add to this equation daveena and hopefully cia ee so that it’ll be really fun.it’s sad that sureen can’t come coz if she could it reall would be a blast but i guess everything happens for a good reason(i just added in the "good" to convince me that it’s better this way)

but tomorrow  is friday and with the aid of transnasional i wil deport myself from seremban for a luxurious and well-needed vacation to subang where i will not only lounge but also work on looking for advertiser’s for kaleidoskop.i hope i’ll be able to pull in some big bucks and prove myself worth of the ed board.

but unfortunately i have tons of homework to bring back with me,so the first half of my weekend retreat will be spent being buried under piles and piles of homework….-_-"…but like a phoenix coming out of the ashes,i will rise to the challenge!!!!!!!muahahahahahahaha!!!!!!(ok i just added the phoenix part coz i’m really bored and i wanna end this with a bang)

yesterday at approximatel 4pm,ee lin and i went to Pacific for some errands.mind u,i had just been to pacific the day before,and since we got there by foot,i was thoroughly exhausted.despite my exhaustion,i didn’t refrainmyself from dashing up a flight of stairs at 10:30Pm later that very day to desperately watch my new favourite series,desperate housewives.of course all this running and stumbling through bushes would take an effect on my energy levels,which it did.unfortunately,i was sapped of energy on the morning after,which would be today.and so i literally,dragged my ass out of bed,didn’t take a shower coz it was too friggin cold(but thank god i had a late shower before i slept) and didn’t get to eat a proper breakfast,which means i am only prolonging my condition..

oh and by the way,i’ve misplaced my organiser so i’ll have to retrace my steps to find it at the academic block.

when the juniors came in i didn’t think it would matter much.i just thought they were just going to increase the population which would eventually result in limiting the resouces available in KMS whoch are already so few.but then i recognised one familiar face.i felt so happy even though i hardly knew the guy but we shared one single thing in common,we are both anak-anak SMSJ….(eheks,for dramatic effect)and whats even more awesome is he’s taking TESL as well.and the icing on the cake is the fact that he is pn.jamilah osmans son…which i hope means that i will have a good reason to go back to school during my holidays to give a status report every now and then…wow,and to think that i had lost all hope of ever reliving SMSJ days again….

well,today i had my first sociology class for the second year and interestingly enough we have to study the issue of family…some of the stuff that was in the book really became an eye opener for me,and well,now that i know this somewhat vital information,my perception of my family has taken on a very different picture.

yesterday i was SO free i spent most of my time in the CC,doing surveys,on friendster.one particular question i had a tough time answering was,what’s my favourite word.it actually stumped me.i know i tend to overuse some phrases like "manganat" or "fandhi ahmad" or "f*cking shyte!",but i don’t think they are my favourite phrases,they’re just exclaimations that can really express my feelings.

but after careful consideration i’ve made my decision.

lollypop…

my favourite word for today is LOLLYPOP!dunno why,just because.

right now with all the shit i’m going thru,there are three songs that keep playing in my head;alanis morissette-"hand in my pocket",my chemical romance-"helena" and papa roach-"scars".these three songs seem to help me ease my troubles.

right now,in this enviroment,i feel that i have traits that contradict each other.in her song,alanis wrote down these few words of wisdom:

…

I’m hard but I’m friendly baby
I’m sad but I’m laughing
I’m brave but I’m chicken shit

…

i feel like i can connect with most of the song but i feel these three lines really relate to me.

with "helena",i’m absolutely in love with the chorus(or is it the bridge?).

What’s the worst that I can say
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Well, if you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

there are things that ive done that i feel have changed the lives of the ppl that i know,mainly my own.and somehow i think that everything thats happen,for better of for worse,it had to happen and the consequences are what they are.maybe to some,it doesn’t make sense to connect this with the song lyrics,but this is how i feel about it.

last but not least,papa roach "scars" has a very tender spot in my heart becoz it reminds me about friendship and betrayal. and there’s a constant reminder pf past incidents that went unresolved which seem like they never will.

oh well,so much for letting music feed my soul eh?