b*tchin n luvin it!

Mereka is just around the corner.flags are being hung,patriotic songs blasting thru the air,the vibe of merdeka is alive and well…
but are we celebrating a holiday,or the anniversary of our nations independence?are we jumping for joy just because it’s a fiesta,or are we counting down the seconds to the 31st because we remember what’s the significance of being a liberated nation?

i can’t help but think that the younger generation,my generation especially,have been to pampered by the efforts of our parents to srive out of difficulties,that we do not apreciate what we have.we don’t realise how hard life can be.we take things for granted.speaking to ppl who have experienced what its like to be in a war,my grandmother,miralem and muamir from bosnia,it makes me very grateful to be malaysian.we have so much here that the government has worked hard to give us,yet we expect more.how many ppl are grateful for the clean water we have?or the electricity?or proper roads and highways?there are countries in the world where the only clean water is from the rain.and electricity gets turned off at 6pm.there are no highways,only dirt paths.

for a country thats only 49 years old,we have come a long way.but all that might go to waste because the ppl of this nation have taken things for granted.they have forgotten what our first prime minister envisioned for this country.this nation’s people,who would rather write a front page review about siti nurhaliza’s wedding and follow up with a live broadcast of her week long wedding than to put serious effort into amending more pressing issues,like the growing social problems among youths.

i’m afraid to leave malaysia because i fear that in a few years time,it won’t bear any resemblance to the malaysia i know.call me old fashion,but i think it’s time for a wake up call.

i was watching the tele,and the movie "the sweetest thing" came on.if u haven’t seen the movie yet,it’s a chick flick and it’s all about miss independent meeting some random guy,and all of the sudden,she turns into a fumbling,bumbling mess.she goes across the country to track down this guy,whom she fell in love with after just on chance encounter( i find that very hard to believe) and when he sees her again,he cancels his wedding(they bump into each other at his wedding by the way..talk about perfect timing) and tracks her down,in hopes of starting a relationship based on nothing but the fact that there’s a "feeling" which he hopes is mutual.lucky for him,it was,and so,they live happily ever after…yada yada yada.
after all that sappiness(i was gagging all the way),i decided to watch a REAL love story.the one that gets me everytime.Puteri Gunung Ledang.i finally got my hands on a copy of the movie(i bought the original by the way…it was worth it!!!)ok,i have to admit,i liked the storyline of the musical better than the movie,coz we actually see the relationship develope from start to end in the musical,rather than in flashbacks in the movie.but none the less,both are equally moving.of course,at the end of the movie,when hang tuah goes to ledang to find his true love,he arrives too late.he begs her to reveal herself to him,and as her true love,he is willing to face the curse of a bloody death that will befall anybody who sees her.but she,out of her love for him,refuses to do so because she does not want him to die.she denies herself the chance to be with him one last time so that he can live.in the end,they proclaim their undying love for each other,a love that cannot be fulfilled on earth,but they have faith that they will meet again,for they are destined to be lovers forever….
after PGL,i opened up a bulletin from a friends which was apparently written by a guy and it contains advise abouit things girls should do and how guys feel about their girlfriends and stuff.when i read it,i was smiling and thinking to myself that it is really sweet.
but then i started thinking….how many guys actually think like this guy?i can’t help but think of the hundreds of male characters portrayed in the media who seem to take pride in nothing but using a young girl,for example kevin hill,stifler,joey,the list goes on and on.so,forgive me for being cynical,but i think nice guys are indeed a rare breed,and it’ll be impossible to find a nice guy in this day and age,coz he’ll either be a)already married to a another or b)gay.it’s not wrong to dream and fantasize about it,just as long as we don’t let dreams become our master.if your interested in reading the particular post that inspired me to write this,it’s titled "romantics,read this!i’d like to meet the guy who wrote it."and i honestly would.if he exists.

of course in life,nothing is a bed of roses.but what doesn’t kill you,just makes u stronger.i am who i am today because of the people around me,who have made me into what i am today.

to my dearest friends,cia ee,fatin,and sureen.for a major portion of my high school life,y’all were my companions,my partners in crime and my shoulder to cry on.high school,to me,were some of the best years of my life.and it wouldnt have been the same without y’all.GSC days were awesome!!!and even though we were,are and will probably continue to be separated by great distances,we have been able to maintain our friendship,and if anything,it is still growing.to me,you girls will always be in my heart.we might not be able to keep in touch all the time,but everyday,u can rest assure,that i thank god for bringing u wonderful ppl into my life…i love y’all very much…

to the people of KMS,shaz,firuz,diba,ronnie,mimie,shark,zarina,azam….two great and grueling years have come and gone.i consider those two years to be the ones filled with the most terrible trials and also of the sweetest victories.and u guys were there to share it with me,every step of the way.thank you for accepting me as i am,and all your attempts to try and make me a better person.my life has been touched indefinitely by your presence in it.all the time we spent together in such close quarters,the bond i have with y’all is one i think that will be very difficult to severe.all our triumphs and our disappointments will forever be imprinted in my memories as the days of my life.i pray for all our happiness and success.

to the teachers of KMS,especially pn. azlina,pn. muna and ms. ririn.i can’t imagine anyway to repay y’all for everything you have done.u were there for us when we needed u the most.u sat down and comforted us when we were down and broken hearted.u felt every blow we took and u were our coaches,telling us not to give up,to get up on our feet and never give up.but most importantly,u believed in us.your constant efforts to push us to succeed are testaments to your desire to see us do well.your belief in me,that i could succeed,is something i will always cherish.thank you for accepting us into your arms and guiding us on this very difficult journey.you will always be in my heart and in my prayers.if it weren’t for your support,i surely wouldn’t be here today.thank you

it’s amazing to think that a few years ago,i was thinking that time was going by so slow,that the hours of the day seemed to be so long and i would be stuck in that moment forever.but now,i still remember that day,as nothing but a memory.life is overwhelming me.so much has happened.i’m just stopping to smell the roses,and i realise,i have so many.friends,acquaintances,teachers,thank you for being the little things that mean the most in my life.

WOW!!!!!PGL the musical was awesome!!!!very good attempt by the Malaysian performing arts industry.a big round of applause goes to Enfinity productions for doing a GREAT job on it.the set,the music,the chereography,lighting,sound,makeup…everything was excellent.i have to say between the movie and the musical,i like the movie more.maybe coz i can apreciate it.but the effort given into the musical and its execution was really good.
enough said about that!so i was there with my two best mates,sureen and fatin(flying kisses to both of y’all!!!muah muah!!).we got fab seats,courtesy of dad(thanks dad!!).
AAAAAAND,at the end of the musical,we got to meet TIARA at the meet and greet fan session!!!!oh my god,she is so beautiful!!!and so peramah and mesra!!!oh my god!!!!i still cant believe i met her.but i din get a good picture though.T.T.but i did manage to get her autograph in the programme book….hehehe…it was awesome!!!!!!
after all dat,us gals headed to KLCC,still dressed in our best….and we got lots of ppl just stopping and gawking at us…hahahaha.we had dinner at dome.there was a HAWT waiter waiting on us.(name tag spelt ZAHARI..nice!)it was so much fun to joke around with the girls.after dinner,we watched a movie,ANT BULLY.it was very cutE and funny!!but of course nothing like finding nemo.NEMO still rocks!!!!
slept over at fatins place.discovered the beauty of northern food….WOW!!!sedap GILER!!!!now i know wat i’m missing and wat im gonna  miss if i leave malaysia…T.T
hung out with aunty,uncle and adik for a bit.i was so tired i could feel my eyes like lelaping as aunty talked to me…that night i slept wuthout even washing my face coz i was just SO TIRED!!!!but it was a good tired feeling.
the next morning,(or rather afternoon..hehehe)aunty served us pulut nyok(i think dats how to spell it).oh my god!!!!SEDAP GILER!!!!i’ve always been a fan of pulut,but this was like a really great way to eat it man!and for lunch we had rice with like 7 lauks…banyak giler!!!!and it was all so yummy!!!!got begedil,kerang,i tried ulam for the first time,had this sayur thingy,not too sure what it was but it was yummy..had lots of food and i didnt feel guilty about it….wat a great feeling…
we lounged around a lot.went thru fatins chilhood photos with aunty…she was so COMEL!!!now shes a HOTTIE!!!!!meOW!!!!!
in the evening,main guitar in fatins room.aunty brought pisang goreng…sedap giler!!!later that night we went for dinner at like 10 o clock.watched the eye 2 in the restaurant untill 12 o clock then aunty was kind enough to send us back home all the way…
i really enjoyed this particular trip out with the girls.it made me appreciate them in a completely new way.im so grateful to have such wonderful people in my life.aunty and uncle were so kind and genuine in welcoming me into their homes…i’m touched by their hospitality and kindness.sureen and fatin to me,are like family.we have gone thru so many ups and downs.even though we might not be around each other all the time,and we do get caught up in our lives,i feel so happy just to know that i have such wonderful individuals as friends.
thanks for being apart of my life and making it more colourful.i love u both very much.my warmest regards and love to your families dears.thank u for everything!!!!!

well,today,i will be catching PGL the musical LIVE! in istana budaya…
this is gonna be like super great coz not only am i going with my two bestest buddies in the world,but i get to live the essence of the movie which i think is one of the greatest love stories ever told on film in font of mine own eyes…wow!
i just hope i’m not disappointed.

who knew,
that one day i’d turn my back on you…
who knew,
that i could find a friend in someone i used to hate..

who knew that life could be so good for so long
then turn upside down and feel so wrong

who knew that loneliness could be better than belonging
or that loving could cause so much pain

who knew that we’d never be together forever,
despite our promises of never parting ways

who knew,that from feeling like a sheep amidst the wolves,
i could feel right at home,like i belonged,like we were family

i pray for our happiness,where ever we may find it
and i hope that we will know better next time.

well,today,i helped my dad paint one of his apartments.it’s a really good work out,really tires the arms and back.if i keep it up,i might actually have really great looking arms,like jennifer garners…hehehe..i wish…

anyways,after that whole sweat-and-feel-stoned session,i decided to catch something good on the telly.and on cinemax was this really good movie.it’s called sleepers,stars brad pitt,its about these 4 boys who were tormented in this juvenile rehab centre and in the future 2 of them get accused of murder and the other two hatch this scheme to not only set their friends free,but at the same time,reveal all the horror they faced and make the guards who tortured them when they were young pay for what they did.(yeah it’s a very long summary..i know..)

so yeah,that got me thinking about how life must be like to go through such a traumatic experience at such a young age.it just so happens that i’m reading a book titled as we think and one of the issues mentioned in that book is how our behaviour is a product of the way we think.in that movie,the boys,who grow up to be extremely fine looking men(hubba hubba!) are so traumatised by their chilhood experience,they have difficulty even when their grown up.that is so sad.

so it got me thinking…one day,in the very distant future,when we one day become parents oursleves,we have so much power in our hands.we can make or break our child with our words and actions because parents are such a big figure in a childs life.yet at the same time,we are powerless because we cannot control the rest of the world,which is where we will one day send our children out into,unaided.whatever perils they endure there,whatever evils they experience,will inevitablely shape the way they think and perceive the world.

i’m thinking,what happened to us?how do we see they world and why do we see it as such?are we in some way screwed up and not realising it?i don’t think,i know i am,and i know how i got that way.so what do i do now?i can’t just erase my subconcious(funny thing is after sleepers was eternal sunshine on the spotless mind..which is all about erasing your memory).i dunno how i’m going to live my life or whether the decisions i’m going to make are the right ones.but i’m just gonna do it anyways i guess.life’s too short to be sad and spent thinking over petty shit we can’t do anything about.i guess we just gotta make do with what we have,no matter how screwed up the voices i our head might be.

my skin is in TERRIBLE shape..i can’t believe it!!!it’s so horrible i’m considering to just have it all peeled off…really.
i mean,it’s one thing to be scarred but it’s just erupting all over.i don’t even want to look in the mirror coz all i’ll see is this huge,blotchy patch of skin on my face…ergh…

waaah!!!!!whats wrong with me??!!!!

well,once again i’m in limbo.i don’t know what lies in the distant future now that i’ve gotten my results.i didn’t meet MARAs requirement,no surprise there,and even though i didn’t expect to do as well as i did for sociology,i was very disappointed with my literature grade because i was so confident that i would do well for that paper.i guess we can never say that we humans are the masters of our destiny..

well,technically,i can’t go to NZ coz i don’t meet MARAs standards(they want 13,i got 11).but then again,i think there aren’t many TESL students who got over 13 and i think i can safely say that a majority of them would have aquired a pointer similiar to mine.so what happens now?

we do have a meeting scheduled next week with the people from penganjuran.hopefully,we’ll get some answers there.until then,i’m pretty much in the dark till then.

as usual,i always take into consideration what might happen if it starts to rain on my parade.if MARA says that we can’t fly,then i guess i’ll be joining Shadzie in IIUM OR i might want to do someting a lil unconventional and (wishful thinking of course) either do a degree in voice or fashion in UiTM.but this is like so not proper thinking…

whatever it is,i guess its important to always plan for the worst.in this case,it saved my sanity(or whatever little thats left of it).thats my advice to my friends who are reading this blog.it’s not the end of the world if we don’t fly,but life is never a bed of roses.always have a back up plan coz u never know when life is gonna throw u a damned curve ball.insya-Allah,we will get what we deserve,and whatever happens,there’s a very good reason why it happens.have faith that Allah SWT has planned only good things for us,even though we ourselves can’t see the goodness in his actions.

or i might actually have a lot to say but i’m just tolazy to type it out….hehehe.. but heres a thought for you

if u had to choose…

between nasi putih or nasi lemak…

take nasi lemak.

at least u won’t regret coz it tastes better…