b*tchin n luvin it!

man,the weather here has been pretty crazy!one minute it’s glorious sunshine,the next minute it’s raining cats,dogs,small furry animals AND frogs.wouldn’t be surprised if it starts hailing one of these days.

i’ve never really been affected by the weather back home,but my mood here is realy kinda whacked out with all this change going on so fast.dunno if it’s my temperament our (whatever sigmund freud calls it),but i find myself in a very different state of mind each day.

for example,two days ago(wednesday),i was still bumming out coz of the fact that james revealed that he had a "missus".i was like really sedih tau.like really,REALLY sedih.it wasn’t depression,but i just had all these bridget jones-esque thoughts of growing old and grey only being surrounded by cats and dying a virgin and shit(hey,i found out both of the guys i had crushes on were "taken"
,and it happened within like 3 days,so i was pretty bummed out!).on top of that,the weather was like really glum and gloomy and shit,and i just felt really crappy.

but today,the weather started out pretty fine,it was sunny in the morning when i headed out to selwyn for my tutoring work.but by afternoon the weather was a bit cloudy and it looked like it was gonna rain.which didn’t make me feel any better coz i had just had a really tough tutorial time(the kid was being so uncooperative!) so i was kinda cuakteds la(with the bad mood,accompanied by the bad weather).then i get an email from abg neil saying that if i wanted to,we could have our appointment to discuss an assignment at an earlier time(originally supposed to be at 2,but he said 1230 later). thought i was pretty convinient coz i had an appoinment with james at 130,so i cud burn time with neil then straight away pop oer to james.

so i went to see abg neil(the weather by the way,was kinda pleasant but still chiily/cold).jut as i was exiting the lift to go to his office,he was leaving the office to take the lift to go downstair,he needed to pick up something.plus he looked like he was in a rush.so,ok,waited for neil.when he came back,he had a small white paper bag with him.rupanye,his wife came to send him lunch(awwwwwh…).now if i had been in my crazy i-think-i’m-in-love-with-my-bald-lecturer mood,i’d probably wud have startd crying/throwing a jealous fit/leave the room and pretend like ive got something better to do.but i didn’t.in fact,nothing about neil seemed to make me go weak in the knees today.he kept laughing at everything i said,which was kinda annoying,coz i wasn’t actually being funny(i.e i said "ahh…no big deal,i’ll probably just flunk this assignment anyways" and he LAUGHED!benggong  -_-")
and even though he’s worn that same tiger t-shirt+short pants combo so many times,this time,he just looked really blah.go figure.

so anyways,after my so-so session with neil,i headed of to grab some lunch,then of to james(weather now was slightly more chilly and cold,like just before rain).now this guy,he’s still hot.he still makes me get the butterflies in my stomach feeling.but today,he was kinda borderlining on the mengadeness,i was kinda like "whatever".what did he do?u tell me la if this is mengade or not.
i said the weather is pretty chilly today
he said no lah,not cold at all.
then i said ye la,u new zealand ppl say not cold,yeesh.
then HE said you know,there’s a survey that says New Zealand ppl are the most attractive ppl in the world.
why the heck would someone say that?u trying to be funny?are u trying to imply that ur attarctive?(not that he isnt but it’s kinda like wtf?)i was kinda turned off by what he said,maybe coz it was kinda sounded egoistic.it’s like he knows he’s hot and shit but he knows i cant go further than that coz he has a missus.he’s kinda being like scandalous la.not that i mind.but its like tease and no play.where’s the fun in that?and on top of that,when i asked him if he’s stretch my foot,which is really,REALLY MOTHERFUCKING PAINFUL(blinding hot,searing pain okay),he said,it’s okay,he won’t do it coz he knows i’ll be in pain and he doesn’t want to "jeopardise" our "relationship" by doing it.i was like whatever la dude.so yeah,james,didn’t really hit the spot this time,mate.

now,keep in mind,both of these guys had me gushing and speaking gibberish before.but now,they have almost no effect on me(note the almost,i think my feelings might change,and i’m aware of it!)does that mean i’m over them?is autumn my month to get rid of the old to anticipate the new?is winter my depression period?what will happen in spring?will i become BEAUTIFUL?

oh well,just have to stick around and find out   ;)

p/s:harold,if you’re reading this,i realy liked to see u jogetting to nite!!!!hehehehe   :D

managed to squeeze some info out of mummy jackie about abg neil.
she’s confirmed that he’s married(DAMMIT!!!!) and it looks like he’s pretty appy(DOUBLE DAMMIT!!!!) coz he’s got a few mini-neils running around(ARRRGGGHHH!!!!!)
as for james the slutty physiotherapist,i dunno what status he’s at.could be married,could be living-in with hot girlfriend,could be not cohabiting with child,whatever
i’m too demotivated to bother
on the brighter side though,ive tried looking for some jobs and prospects look pretty good
managed to find some job request very close to home so that’ll be great
flu is getting to me.dammit.feeling really crappy…T.T

yup,i’m down with the flu bug.doesn’t help that the weather is just SO BLARDY COLD!!!i’ve got winds blowing against me at god knows what speed.it’s so bad i almost felt m earrings were gonna rip my earlobes apart.and i wear pretty heavy jewellery.
it’s getting pretty depressing over here,with me being sick and constantly having a headache and m head feeling a wee bit funny.go into lectures and i’m like "wha…???".tutorials help,don’t get me wrong.and i’m not totally blur and of the unknowing.it just kinda takes time to sink in.i guess thats just how information works.
i so wish i had a bottle of bena expectorant to numb my brain out.its so hard to sleep with a stuffy nose.yeesh.
ah well,not really in the mood to be frivolous with my words.i’ll leave that to later.
eyelids feel so heavy…..feel so drowsy….and hungry…and cold…  T.T

urghh…
i have an appointment with james tomorrow.
im acually dreading it.
although my new found knowledge of him having a "missus" doesn’t make him any less adorable than he was before,it constantly reminds me that he is taken and that i can’t do anything more with him.
*sigh*
oh well.
on top of that,got abg neil’s lecture.that fella also so of the benggongteds.always scratching his head during lecture like he got dandruff,padahal rambut pun takde.
aisey man…..
i’m so tormented by the opposite sex.

i’m swearing off men
they are of the confusing,and i become of the confuseth
so to save all this confusions,i’m swearing off men.

i had a very interesting lesson today about paraphrasing.abg neil,to do justice to all the knowledge u have endowed me with,i will demonstrate your teaching in this blog.

today,i was very delighted to wake up because the prospects of meeting a certain physiotherapist just puts a smile on my face.so i got dressed,put on my cute little outfit,got my face all dolled up to look "au natural"(Who.com,2006),yada yada yada.
right.so i haul my ass up six flights of stair at 845Am,which would mean i’d have enough time to catch my breath and check my face before going to see James at 930AM(note how much effort i’m freaking willing to exped for this dude.)
so anyways,when i get to the physio office,it’s all "Hi,Honey mate,come on in round here"(James,2006).So it’s just our usual routine,lie on the stomach,roll up the pants,fool around with the ankle while making small talk.So he asks me what i got up to dring the weekend and i said nothing much besides going out with my cousin.and i asked him what HE got up to during the weekend and he said,i quote:
        "i,um,headed up to roterua,yeah,me and the missus"
ding!ding!DING!KA-POW!!!!!
right in the bajingo!
if i had a tape recorder that could record the voices in my head at that exact monet,it would probably have recorded a whole load of hysterical screaming folowed by some very loud cursing then probably a whole load of static.
coz thats what it felt like.static.lots of it.
of course,in my physical presence i was just cool and acting so selambe about it.i mean,who freaks out when their hot physiotherapist whom they’ve been crushing on tells them that he’s just spent a weekend with his missus on a romantic getaway,located at some really picturesque place that a 3 hour drive away from the city,right?it’s just crazy to freak out..du-uh..so i didn’t freak out.so,when we get to the end of the sesion he says he wants me to come in on Wednesday so he can check on my "amazing ankle"(James,2006).and i’m like,sure!no problem!see u wednesday!yada yada yada.and i exit physio office to go to abg neils lecture which was a wate of time because i was so "distraught"(Pak Cik Keith,2006) i couldn’t focus.and during tutorial,i dunno how i got thru it,but i did,and abg neil was as comel as ever,which didn’t help,because i had to keep reminding myself that he is married WITH A CHILD.urgh.

        i’m so angry right now i could just bite somebody in the

        face!!!!
                                                 (giraffe,robot chicken,2005)

so takde kerja man….

i had perapted some chicken pieces yesterday morning and i thought of roasting them today.

but i slept the whole night through and got up at 2 and i couldn’t sleep back,so i didn’t know what to do.

so,i went to the kitchen and thought i’d roast chicken,and while i was waiting, i did some linguistics

i didn’t know that "GRILL" meant super hot.so my chickens spent 40 minutes slow cooking, and 5 minutes in a REALLY HOT oven.

but they outcome looked and smelt really good.it tasted pretty spicy.overdosed on the white and black peppers.

need to stock up on fruits.apricots and nectarines and pears are my current fav.too bad durian,rambutans and mangosteens are not available.

today,i have a meeting at nine.

right now,i think,i’d better get some shut eye.

1. to not fall head-over-heel for lecturers
2.to not fall head-over-heels for hot  physiotherapist
3.to watch more youtube videos
4.to stop sleeping so much
5.to wear less make up
6.to go for regular excercise
7.to lose weight by excercising,eating fruits,drinking water and crapping my head off.
8.to improve my handwriting
9.to improve my writing style
10.to actually do stuff that i write down.(this one’s gonna be tough!)

waaaaaaaaa!!!!!nooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

he’s married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!abg neil is MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i’m having a crush on somebody else’s husbnad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!dammit,i’m such a slut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!huhuhuhuhh!!!!!!!!!!!

i must go and find comfort in the arms of James…..but i don’t even know if HE’S single or married or worse,gay…………waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!

why does life have to tease me so horrilely!!!!!!damit!!!!i was misinformed,given hope of something,then that hope was snatched away so blatantly. 

  T.T  huhuuhuhuhuhuh!!!!!!!!

aiye,banyak sakit saya punya kepala pikir pasal benda2 ini.mesti focus pada assignment.

okay first assignment.ENGWRIT.that’s abg neil’s paper     -_-"

okay,skip  first assignment

secind assignment,pak cik keith’s linguitics homework.he was very funny in class yesterday.quite interesting to see him enter class on monday since he had a new hair cut   ;> 
speaking of mondays,at least i’ll be having james in the morning right before abg neil.atleast i can go mengadu to him.hhuuhuhuhuhuu…that is so mengedik but like watever.

okay lah.enuff about the men in my life.they all will disappoint me,one way or the other

i must talk about other things.like stage2productions!it’s the drama club at uni.we had an awesome social event at a lounge called Verona,the theme was film noir and i was underdressed.oh well.tonite we had theatresports,which is an impromtu game session in front of a live audience.safe to say,i embarrassed myself some what.but what the heck.that what theatre is all about.met some really cool ppl there.hopefully,this thing will help me keep my mind of neil and keith and james.oh dammit,i’ve mentioned them in the blog again  -_-"

ask me how i am

and i’ll say i’m like the weather.

it may look like sunny skies ahead

but you never know when it might shower.

ask me if i’m happier now,

i’ll tell u happiness if a fickle thing.

sometimes,i’m so happy,i’ll bounce up and down.

and just as it came,happiness will go away,never to be found.

ask me what are my hopes and dreams

dreams i have many,hopes i have few

cause dreams are in the world of fantasy,

but hope is rooted in the world that is real

the most real of real
can disappoint and hurt you more than a dream ever could

i’m different now

everything is

where it’ll go from here,i’m not sure

whom i’ll be from here on,i’m not sure.

arrrrr….today be the day the Irish celebrate their patron saint,St. Patrick
i had a taste of the celebrations yesterday at Selwyn College,where the staff had dressed in green and the snacks served at tea time were also co-ordinated around the green theme.we had mint green icing on our muffins,green tea(which was more asian than irish,har har!),some funny looking cookies with the four leave clover stamped in the middle of em,etc.twAS a pretty excellent feeling indeed.
but today is THE REAL St. Patrick’s day.i woke up this morning and saw a sea of green.the residences at TRC had taken St. Pat to heart so they were all dressed for the occasion.although we didn’t do anything specific to the occasion,we did have a makan2 for our lecturers,sue,rosemary,jackie and guest,kazo-san.nasi lemak & soto were kick ass(and home made by the girls!!!).
dunno why i feel so of the tired today.day light savings(whatever that means) starts today.
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK’S DAY TO ALL!!!!!!!